Anyway, here's half a dozen more celluloid time wasters...
(DVD Cover 2012)
Yes, it turns out that the Hairy ape man that lives in the woods is real, and he bursts onto the screen in all his poor quality CGI awesomeness.
The films plot ends up being pretty much the same as King Kong, Bigfoot is found, people try to hunt him down for a bounty, Bigfoot is pretty much invulnerable to hails of machine gun fire, then he climbs up the face of mount rushmore and gets blown up by some fighter planes.
This film is a half decent no-brainer, although the story is weak as fuck and some of the special effects are proper bargain basement, but its not that bad really.
5/10
The films plot ends up being pretty much the same as King Kong, Bigfoot is found, people try to hunt him down for a bounty, Bigfoot is pretty much invulnerable to hails of machine gun fire, then he climbs up the face of mount rushmore and gets blown up by some fighter planes.
This film is a half decent no-brainer, although the story is weak as fuck and some of the special effects are proper bargain basement, but its not that bad really.
5/10
(Theatrical poster 1996)
An obese and corrupt lawyer runs a gypsy woman over while receiving oral sex from his wife. his friendship with the local judge and public prosecutor ensures that he gets off with the crime, however the gypsies don't consider the matter finished, and the Lawyer ends up being cursed to keep losing weight until he dies, regardless of how much he eats.
Another Stephen King based film, and its not bad, although it is a little slow paced. The ending differs from the book but its to no detriment.
7/10
Another Stephen King based film, and its not bad, although it is a little slow paced. The ending differs from the book but its to no detriment.
7/10
(DVD cover 2014)
Following on from the events of the last film, this straight to DVD feature sees the inbred mutant hillbillies terrorising the customers of a holiday resort.
*yawn*, its just more of the same really, although this film seems to have more tits and arse then the previous instalment (some quite nice ones as well, back in the 80s they'd have been paused and rewound dozens of times) , and ramps up the gruesome deaths and scenes of cannibalism, there's quite literally fuck all to get excited about.
4/10
*yawn*, its just more of the same really, although this film seems to have more tits and arse then the previous instalment (some quite nice ones as well, back in the 80s they'd have been paused and rewound dozens of times) , and ramps up the gruesome deaths and scenes of cannibalism, there's quite literally fuck all to get excited about.
4/10
(Theatrical poster 2006)
A group of friends head on out to sea on a yacht. After a bit of tomfoolery, they all decide to jump overboard for a swim, but neglect to lower the boarding ladder so they can get back on board. Cue 90 minutes of getting in touch with their feelings, backstabbing each other (in one case, literally) and getting naked in a series of futile attempts to get back on the boat and not drown.
Basically a film about stupid people doing something stupid and paying for it. It has nice visuals but the endless scenes of people getting ridiculously emotional just wear me down and spoil what would otherwise be a pretty good idea.
6/10
6/10
(Theatrical poster 2012)
10 year old Tommy has a birthday party, complete with a surly and foul mouthed clown, the titular "Stitches". Stitches promptly manages to get himself killed in a freak accident while attempting to perform, and gives Tommy a bit of mental scarring about clowns.
Six years later and Tommy is planning to have a party to celebrate his 16th. He eventually settles on having a big party over a small gathering of friends, mainly because he wants to shag his school crush.Problem is though, Tommy had a curse placed on him by the local clown secret society, and, as his birthday approaches, he begins having hallucinations of clowns doing horrible things, culminating in Stitches returning from the dead as his party is in full swing to get his revenge on the kids that were there to witness his demise.
I enjoyed this film, as it has a nice blend of slasher, gore and comedy. I particularly liked the depiction of the clowns as all being foul mouthed and surly men who disliked kids and were resentful at having to perform for them.
The only real bad points are that the film suffers from all the cliches expected of a "psychokiller in the house" type film, but then again it works being as that this film isn't trying to be all serious and shit.
8/10
As films about real life serial killers go, this is your fairly standard one, showing background, the means and the motives to killing, however in this case, the film seems to downplay Wuornos' extreme mental problems in favour of attempting to blame her acts on years of abuse at the hands of men (in truth, both were most likely significant contributing factors, as well as her heavy drug and alcohol abuse). Ricci does really well at playing the shy and awkward but extremely passive aggressive character of Selby, and Theron does really well as Wuornos.
The film does get a little boring at times, with long scenes of talking about feelings and all that, and anyone watching this film expecting some hot girl on girl action will be sorely disappointed, as will people expecting large amounts of blood and gore.
Still, its a nice change from the usual bloodletting.
8/10
Six years later and Tommy is planning to have a party to celebrate his 16th. He eventually settles on having a big party over a small gathering of friends, mainly because he wants to shag his school crush.Problem is though, Tommy had a curse placed on him by the local clown secret society, and, as his birthday approaches, he begins having hallucinations of clowns doing horrible things, culminating in Stitches returning from the dead as his party is in full swing to get his revenge on the kids that were there to witness his demise.
I enjoyed this film, as it has a nice blend of slasher, gore and comedy. I particularly liked the depiction of the clowns as all being foul mouthed and surly men who disliked kids and were resentful at having to perform for them.
The only real bad points are that the film suffers from all the cliches expected of a "psychokiller in the house" type film, but then again it works being as that this film isn't trying to be all serious and shit.
8/10
(Theatrical poster 2003)
"Monster" tells the semi fictionalised story of serial killer Aileen Wuornos and her life between 1987 and 1990. Starring an almost unrecognisable Charlize Theron as Wuornos and Christina Ricci as the fictional character "Selby Wall" (based on Tyria Moore, Wuornos' girlfriend at the time. Presumably Moore declined for her name to be used) The film charts the period in Wuornos's life when, while being homeless and resorting to prostitution to earn money, Wuornos contemplates suicide, but later sees a bit of a turnaround in her fortunes when she meets Selby in a bar as she goes to have one last drink. Their relationship quickly develops, with Wuornos trying to find normal work to get away from prostitution, and Selby providing the love and attention that Wuornos so desperately craves.
Paradise is short lived however as Wuornos is unable to get a job due to her past and general attitude, and Selby becomes increasingly needy, so with little choice, Wuornos goes back to prostitution. The only problem this time round being that her increasing mental instability leads her to begin killing the men she goes off with in order to rob them.
Paradise is short lived however as Wuornos is unable to get a job due to her past and general attitude, and Selby becomes increasingly needy, so with little choice, Wuornos goes back to prostitution. The only problem this time round being that her increasing mental instability leads her to begin killing the men she goes off with in order to rob them.
As films about real life serial killers go, this is your fairly standard one, showing background, the means and the motives to killing, however in this case, the film seems to downplay Wuornos' extreme mental problems in favour of attempting to blame her acts on years of abuse at the hands of men (in truth, both were most likely significant contributing factors, as well as her heavy drug and alcohol abuse). Ricci does really well at playing the shy and awkward but extremely passive aggressive character of Selby, and Theron does really well as Wuornos.
The film does get a little boring at times, with long scenes of talking about feelings and all that, and anyone watching this film expecting some hot girl on girl action will be sorely disappointed, as will people expecting large amounts of blood and gore.
Still, its a nice change from the usual bloodletting.
8/10
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